Sometimes I don’t want to write about the depths for fear someone will read it. Is it good to write about the negatives to get it out? Or is that feeding the fire and giving attention and energy to negativity? My new room mate of two weeks, Jonathon (who my other house mates found when I was in California) is an alchoholic. So is his brother who comes over sometimes. We didn’t know until after Jonathon moved in. And it is so sad because he and his brother are totally different, good people when they are sober. Last evening, they asked me to stay out and talk to them on the patio. For a while, until the substances kicked in, we had interesting, positive conversation. Then it flipped to aggressivness, negativity, insecurity, fear! Not listening half the time. Part of me wanted to stay and try and maintain a positive vibe. To help them recognize how much potential and talant they have waiting to come out. I wanted to show them that someone compassionately cares about them without judgement. But it is not healthy for me to be around them. They can only help themselves if they want to. I align myself with people who are positive thinking, actively involved in self-growth and consiousness. When you drink like that, you drown you out. You are so out of touch with you. 

“So even if life is not always clear, it is good to express yourself in clear, affirmative statements. This is how I think and feel.” (82)

Because Jonathan asked the next morning why I went to bed early, I say assertively, kindly, yet sternly my feelings on his behavior. He is very grateful for the honesty. But he just doesn’t seem to have the strength to change his ways yet. Or he doesn’t want to bad enough. Confrontation is my lesson of the summer. I have always avoided and felt very inadequate at confrontation. No one like it. But I dislike suppressing things even more.

“We have a responsibility to treat ourselves kindly, then we will treat the world in the same way.” (76)