Today, I worked at the dressage stable, as I have now for the past month. As always, I enjoy being near the horses. The work fits perfectly for where I am right now, in transition. In the most peaceful, accepting beautiful transition through the unknown that I have ever experienced in my life. Gone is the doubt, anxiety, restlessness that seemed to be lurking behind closed closets of my mind. It took a lot of closet cleaning during this past summers’ spiritual retreat to sweep out the uncertainty – or a lot of the future anxiousness anyway. I learned that as long as I maintain awareness and live my life in as conscious a connection to Source/God/Sprit as I can, all is well and will continue to be well.
Two months ago, I was in the midst of exploring Alaska and the Pacific Northwest. Now, I’m living in the best house in my favorite little city of Santa Fe, with the most amazing house mates. I’m working part-time with horses and part time with design. Eventually, the design work will grow, but I’m happily enjoying the free time right now.
Tonight, I went to a Santa Fe business/networking meeting with the owner of KLA Concepts whom I do some contract work for. I met a nice writer lady. As we were talking about poetry, she said, “Oh, there’s a reading at Collected Works [bookstore] right now. Michael Dickman. Want to go?” I really did, so I headed over there with her and I’m glad I went. Now, as I often do after listening to someone pour out poetry aloud, I feel inspired to write in my journal.
Tonight, I caught up with my housemate, C. We joke that we always have a daily update. But we’ve missed the past few days, so we were so excited to see each other in the house at 7:30 pm, with no one else about, so we could catch up on life. Over the best bluebell ice-cream flavor of course: banana pudding, complete with vanilla wafers. A boy nicknamed her hot pants. I told her she should call him hot dish, since he is from Minnesota. Soon, there will be a hot dish/hot pants birthday party for him!
I myself am in love! For only the 2nd time in my life (the first time was a year and a half ago in Taiwan) It is the most beautiful feeling in the world, isn’t it? I was completely unprepared to meet anyone I would fall in love with in Santa Fe. And now it is happening. Isn’t that how it works?
My heart somersaulted when I got a text from him a few moments ago: “I am in love with you.” Perhaps its that poetry reading that guides my response: “I’m in. I’m in love. I’m in love with you. You.”
I am listening to Andrew Bird now. On this listen, for the first time, I realize how similar this band is to another of my favorites, Breathe Owl Breathe. All of my 4 house mates are home now, in the kitchen. I smell pizza. My room is cozy and warm from the space heater. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for life. This love I feel transcends all, wraps itself around my feet, making it easy to walk on clouds, on water, on parched earth, on dirty floors. I imagine the mist of it enveloping others – friends, strangers – and lifting them a little too. Someday, if I’m really lucky, I will feel this love for everyone.